The Good Girl’s Guide to Rough Sex

It's OK to take a risk.

Who doesn't love that scene featuring Brad and Angelina in Mr. and Mrs. Smith?  You know, the one where they master the art of crazy-fierce sex. While it all looks hot AF on camera, you might be worried that things could get too out of hand (or just plain awkward) during an aggressive roll in the hay. But don't stress, here's what you need to know.
Why Rough Sex Can Be Super Hot
Obviously, true harm is not acceptable in sexual experiences, but we might feel compelled to conquer our partner or to be conquered. Though the term "predatory aggression" sounds a bit scary, it's actually a healthy form of aggression in sex. A man might feel so aroused by you that he wants to squeeze you and have his energy engulf you.
Each of us has a deep driving instinct to stay safe, so openly inviting someone to dominate us reduces our control over our own safety—which can make rough sex kind of a thrill. You can fuel intense passion with your partner by nudging each other to the edge of your comfort zones.
How to Keep Aggressive Sex in Check

To keep throw-me-down-tie-me-up sex from feeling too intimidating, try easing into it. Here are some guidelines to help you explore rough sex in a healthy way:
1. Build slowly. You can start with slightly risky behaviors and build on those as you cultivate trust with each other. Practice what you did a few more times with the same intensity. If you felt bad or closed off after the act, that's not good. Discuss what felt "off" and why.
2. Let your natural instincts lead the way. There's no need to sensor yourself. If either of you hurts the other's feelings, listen to each other, apologize, note that particular boundary, and get back to being as risky as you can.
3. Take a few chances. While respect and consent are critical, you'll need to push your comfort zone a little. Let your shared fantasies of finding the perfect aggression balance spark between you.
4. Let go and trust yourself. After talking about what you want, go for it! Trust your instincts and then ask for it.
5. Prepare for awkwardness. If you haven't practiced being aggressive, you'll almost certainly feel a little weird at first. But just be honest. No criticizing or shaming allowed.
6. Take turns. Practice yielding to your partner's aggressive dominance, and then lead with your own. Be sure to speak up if your partner oversteps the bounds. Likewise, ease up if your partner says you've gone too far. You can always return to aggressive play later.

Four Rules for Riding the Romance Roller Coaster

Let’s be honest: For many people, the idea of dating produces an inability to breathe, sweaty palms, and a stomach full of butterflies.

Not the pleasant kind you experienced with your first kiss; this is more like when you were a kid and you rode that towering, terrifying roller-coaster for the first time.
That’s an appropriate metaphor, since many singles describe the ups and downs, twists and turns of new romance. “Dating is an emotional roller-coaster,” you might hear someone say. “One second it’s thrilling and exhilarating; the next second your stomach is turning and panic sets in. One second you want to scream for the ride to stop; the next second you hope it’ll go on forever.”
Sound familiar? Dating, like thrill rides, requires you to hold on tight, pray hard, and hope for the best. Add in the common fear of romantic intimacy, and of dealing with past relationship “issues”—yours and your date’s—and it’s easy to conclude you’re better off skipping the ride altogether. Playing it safe has this much going for it: you’ll avoid danger and reduce risks. You’ll also be bored, second-guess your decision, and kick yourself for chickening out–which may be why you are reading this now.
But if you hoped this column would contain a magic formula for making your fears disappear—sorry. The truth is, you will probably always get the dating jitters. Why? Because it is indeed nerve-wracking. Unless you are a gifted extrovert or a charismatic charmer, putting yourself on the romantic market is always going to be outside your comfort zone. What you need is a way to avoid letting your fear stand between you and lasting love when it comes around. You need a few “Rules for Riding the Romance Roller Coaster” to help conquer your fears:
1. Get in line. You want the thrill of finding someone new, but you’ve scared yourself silly remembering past experiences, or watching others ride (and scream) from a distance. So you’re still outside the fence looking in. Put one foot in front of the other and take a step toward your goal. Sign up for dance lessons, join the singles group at church, or throw a dinner party and invite some new faces. You’re not riding/dating yet—just positioning yourself to do so.
2. Wait your turn. The dictionary defines fear as “an unpleasant feeling of anxiety or apprehension caused by the presence or anticipation of danger.” The fact is, danger is rarely actually “present.” And fear is often at its worst when nothing much is happening—because you have a lot of time to anticipate all the hypothetically dangerous “what ifs.” Now that you’re in line, be patient—be brave.
3. Fasten your seat belt. Courage is not the same thing as recklessness. When your turn to ride arrives, hold nothing back—but protect yourself with common-sense measures to keep your worst fears from materializing. Being “up for an adventure” doesn’t mean throwing caution to the wind. You’ll enjoy the ride more knowing that, despite the risks, there are safety protocols in place.
4. Do it! Keep your eyes open. Throw up your hands—and ride for all you’re worth. Riding a roller coaster is a hog-wild, topsy-turvy, gravity-defying, spine-tingling thing to do. If it didn’t make your adrenaline soar and your stomach do cartwheels, it wouldn’t be any fun.

4 Surprising Ways to Break the Ice

During those first few dates, you’re likely to find yourself with a man who is more nervous – and tongue tied – than you are.  Here are five different ways to break the ice, open his heart, and start the spark of romance.

First dates are our chance to create an initial connection with a man, and see if we are a good fit. We trot out our best stories and questions to make a great first impression, and we avoid uncomfortable silence at all costs.
But these strategies aren’t real ways to start a connection with a man. In fact, they feel more like an interview than a romantic experience.  If you really want to get the conversation flowing, focus instead on connecting to his heart by being vulnerable and authentic.  Here’s how.
TIP  #1: ASK HIM ABOUT A PERSONAL DETAIL
Rather than asking him about his job or where he lives, ask him about a personal detail that opens the door to unusual conversation. It’s a great way to find out more about him and let him know you’re interested.
So say something about his class ring or the shoes he’s wearing.  Chances are, there’s a story there; and he’ll welcome the opportunity to share it. It will feel more spontaneous and refreshing, because it isn’t the same old conversation starter.
TIP #2: ASK HIM TO ASK YOU
A good way to communicate your openness and find out what’s on his mind is to ask him: “Is there anything you’d like to know about me?”
Doing this gives you great insight into his personality.  You’re letting him lead the conversation so he feels you’re open to him, and you’re also learning about what matters to him.  He’ll probably turn it around and ask you to do the same, and this will keep you chatting away. The fact that you’re open to revealing stuff about yourself will also give him the impression that you’re spontaneous and comfortable in your own skin, and this is very attractive.
TIP  #3: ADMIT YOU’RE NERVOUS
It’s normal to think that we have to seem upbeat and at ease on a first date, so we try to cover up our nerves and discomfort. But this just creates an artificial experience between the two of you, and causes you to miss a real opportunity for connection.
One of the quickest ways to put him at ease – and instantly connect with his heart – is to confess what you’re really feeling.  So if you feel nervous, tell him! You can say something like: “You know, I’m feeling really nervous here.  I felt we had a great connection online, and now I’m not sure what to say,”
There’s a good chance he’ll venture that he’s having the same problem, and then you’ll have something in common!  What’s more, the fact that you expressed your true feelings will let him see that he doesn’t have to be a mind reader with you…and it will touch his heart.
TIP  #4: GET COMFORTABLE WITH SILENCE
This tip is the hardest to get used to, but the most powerful.
When people are nervous, they tend to create small talk.  Small talk will help pass the time, but it won’t help you make a heart connection with him, because you’re just sharing facts rather than engaging with him on a more personal level.  So let go of the need to carry the conversation, and challenge yourself to sit with the silence.   Know that you don’t need to speak.
Instead smile, relax your shoulders, and get comfortable.  Just doing this will take the pressure off him, because he’ll feel that you’re okay being in his presence.  He’ll feel accepted, and that’s when he’ll feel safe enough to trust you and relax.  Gradually, you’ll find yourself sharing a true heart to heart.
Much of the pressure from first dates comes from testing to see if we can trust this person enough to start revealing who we are.  But it really works the opposite way.  The more you reveal about yourself and your true feelings, the more he’ll feel comfortable opening up about himself.  If you keep this in mind, you’ll find that your next first date will be much more enjoyable.  You will have learned something meaningful about another person.  Even if you decide it’s not a romantic fit after all, you’ll have also gained valuable practice in how to open yourself up to the right man.

7 Simple Hacks To Fix Your Relationship

When you first met your girlfriend or wife, you probably felt you could fly.

You were in seventh heaven. Those first feelings were strong, exciting, and passionate. You wanted to be together all the time; holding hands, kissing, cuddling, making love. But sooner or later, every couple experiences tough times in their relationship. You may have some communication problems or issues in the bedroom; it doesn’t matter. You should always keep in mind that any obstacles can be overcome. Every relationship demands work, hard work, but they should be filled with fun and love as well. If you know how to have fun together and how to love, you’ll get through any tough periods. These simple hacks will help you restore that spark that seems to be lost now.
1. Refocus
You may be focused on your partner’s bugs that irritate and annoy you. Instead of complaining about these defects, focus on the good features of your woman. Don’t try to change her, it never works. Try to figure out what you can do differently to change your relationship for the better. Stay away from criticism, blame, and disagreement. Imagine what kind of relationship you want to have, set future goals, and start gaining them.
2. Talk more and ask questions
You can be 100% sure you know everything about your woman. You’re wrong. All of us change over time. Your half is no exception. Think how much you both have changed since the first time you went on the first date. Pretty much, yeah? The only way to get to know your partner better is to talk more and ask questions. You shouldn’t be afraid of the questions you’ve never asked but wanted to. You can start discussing topics that seem unimportant now; you may find them pretty interesting. You can buy relationship books, read them together and discuss. There are a lot of options. Just start talking more.
3. Have fun
You may have been together forever, but your life shouldn’t be boring. The everyday routine needs to be destroyed. Have more fun together; do something new, something that differs from your common rituals. You can explore new places, attend cooking/dance classes, or even try skydiving.
4. Surprise her
Women love flowers and sweets. Who said you can’t surprise her with a bouquet of flowers with no reason. Even small gifts make girls happy. Buy her different presents from time to time. If you can afford something more expensive like a diamond necklace or a romantic trip to Seychelles, she will be excited and remember your generous gift for a long time.
5. Start sexting again
When you and your half started your relationship, we’re sure, you were sexting all the time. You had passionate sex and wanted to do naughty things to each other every night. So, why don’t you start sexting again? This kind of messages may boost your desire and bring a new zest to your intimate life. You may be surprised to see how horny your woman turns after a couple of sexts.
6. Go “off the grid”
Today you probably can’t even imagine how life without your phone looks like. We spend so much time surfing the web and checking our Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram accounts. We’re touching our phones more often than we’re touching our partners. Go “off the grid” at least for a day. Go away together, or stay at home doing various stuff like cooking, watching movies, or just having sex all day long. You’ll see how fantastic life can be without social media.
7. Express gratitude
Don’t take for granted those small everyday things she does like cooking meals, laundering, or cleaning the apartment. You may not even pay attention to this “unimportant” stuff. Start expressing gratitude. The two words “Thank You” influence your relationship as much as those three strong words “I Love You.” In a while, you’ll see how this simple and common phrase can take your life together to the next level.

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